Delayed TTC maybe

So after some discussion with my DH, we might actually put TTC on hold until May/June. DH made a very good point, he is going to be at sea for 240 days in 2012. That means that I will be alone most of my pregnancy with the 2 little ones. And with the pubic symphysis that I experience, that won't be fun. The plus side to waiting is that I can now work hard at losing weight. I've lost 50lbs in a 4 month time frame before. I might be able to lose 20lbs between now and May. So, that's where we are. I'm not sure if we've made a hard decision yet or not, but it actually falls to me. DH and I both want 4 kids but because of my "advanced maternal age" and other things, I think 3 is going to be it for us. Unfortunately. I want to enjoy my last pregnancy (again - this is if I still work!!) and not run myself into the ground before the baby would make his/her appearance. So I'm thinking we are going to delay TTC. I think. It's hard to put on hold because I really wanted the kids to all be close together, and if we wait until May/June, DD will be 4 and DS will be almost 3 when the next one comes along. I really don't know. I still have a week or so to think about it.

About to begin

So AF stayed away a little longer than usual this cycle. Not sure why. The only thing I can come up with, is that I wished it to be late so that DH and I could have some fun upon his return. So AF had a 42 day cycle this time around. So if all goes well, I should be "in the zone" somewhere between Jan 5 - Jan 9. I'm hoping that it works first shot. If not, we actually will have to wait until May/June. But since I've gained lots of weight lately, I don't know if it is going to work.I need to lose weight - that's for sure. At least I have 2 weeks to get started exercising again before we try! Then I can get into a routine and maybe exercise while preggers.
I'm so excited!! Fingers crossed!

Getting back on the TTC wagon!!

So now that we have moved a few provinces over and are slowly getting settled, we have decided to get back on the TTC wagon!! Yay! I'm excited and scared. Excited at the possibility of expanding our family. Scared for 2 reasons - I won't work this time around and at expanding our family LOL.
We won't be starting until the end of December as that's when I should be O'ing. And if that doesn't work, then  it will go to beginning of Feb. After that, I think it will have to wait until 2013 (which I'm not a fan of). DH kind of knows his sailing schedule for 2012 and it looks like he is going to be gone for about 240 days. So no real way to be able to TTC when he's not here LOL. But I won't worry about that for now. I'm just going to concentrate on December! Yay!!!

New things on the horizon

I can't say how happy I am that the house is now sold. No more visits, no more water tests, no more anything. Yay! So we will be vacating this house in 4 1/2 weeks. 4 1/2 WEEKS!!!! My DH "should" be home in 4 weeks. I say "should" because you just never know what may come up. Now, there are a few hiccups that we are dealing with at the moment. And of course there would be. We actually don't have a house to move to yet. We have to wait on one becoming available since we are going to be renting for a bit. So I am stressing a little about it but I have zero control over this, so I'm just kinda going with it. If there isn't one available, then we will have to live in a hotel for a bit. The other small hiccup is that we are still waiting for DH to be told where exactly he will be living for the next 2 years. It could be east coast or west. We are praying for east. I don't want to go back to the west coast. Although it is beautiful and a must see, it is a must not live there for me.
Aside from those 2 little issues, I'm looking forward to what's to come. We are going to work on becoming debt free, which will be attainable. Maybe not this year but early next year for sure. And that's going to feel great! We are going to be able to have a schedule. I'm going to be able to workout! DH and I are going to be able to go on dates! There is so much going on where we are hoping to end up. There is even child care (1 - 2 hour babysitting) at $5/hour. That is so great! I can do shopping without hauling the monkeys along. The sad thing will be leaving our small town and the country. We are planning on buying out in the country when it comes time move. If we are east coast, then country is about 30 min from the big city.
Lots going on in such a short amount of time!!

Stressball = weight gain

So here we are working on selling our house. We have an offer and the conditions need to be lifted by Wednesday. Well, I think that there is only 1 out of the 5 conditions that have been cleared!!! One of them is a problem with our water. It seems no matter what I do, it's not clearing. We don't drink it but the water should be perfect. It was perfect when we put the house up for sale back in April. Very odd that ALL OF A SUDDEN, it's not clear. I did another test this morning and my fingers are crossed, but something tells me it will come back bad again. I know, I know, positive thinking but it's hard these days. The buyer is also trying to work out his financing. He has the money from the sale of his house, but it will only be available April 2012. He's trying to work something out with his bank. Still no news on that one either! He's been working on it since the 14th!!!! That can't be good right? And of course the house inspection is "scheduled" for Wednesday as well. So needless to say that I am a BIG STRESSBALL atm.
And of course, I'm down about it all and not being with DH doesn't help. So my healthy meal making is all but non-existent (obviously any healthy eating is out of the question). Of course that means that I'm gaining weight like crazy. I had some great weightloss in July but then everything went downhill. I've gained about 7 lbs since then and it feels like 37! I'm bloated and feeling horrible. Some minor symptoms from PCOS are creeping back up as well.
With us wanting to work on baby #3 as soon as we live together again, this isn't the way to go to get there. We were very lucky with baby #2 that we had no medical intervention, but if I keep things going the way they are, we will be back to square one and seeking medical help for conception. I would rather not go this route.
I'm searching for the motivation to get back on the healthy meal train, but it's hiding really well this time. I know that I will have to do WW again to lose the weight. I will try the online version for the 3 month special. That should give me enough time to lose some weight and get ready for another baby. But again, that rests on us selling the house. So much is resting on this. Lots of prayers, fingers crossed and positive vibes. And if you have some that you can send my way too - that would be greatly appreciated :)

Just by a thread

Things are so crazy right now, that I'm keeping it together by a thread (just barely). I currently have an in-law living with us who helps out with the kids and chores but she will be leaving in the next 2 weeks so I will be alone with the kids. It's going to be interesting. Add to that, that we are trying to sell our house, I'm a wreck!! Everything else about our moving and to which coast is now also up in the air...I'm falling apart. And I can't for the kids.
It will be 1 year in November since my DH and I have lived together. We are both ready for this to be done. This, combined with all the bumps that we have been dealing with, really makes us rethink our choice to join. But, no looking back now, we just have to go with the flow. But I don't like it.
Of course with all this stress, my healthy eating and exercise have been tossed aside. And I don't really have any "me" time, so I'm trying my hardest to keep my sanity.
This is definitely a ramble/rant and I suspect that there will be more to come...

What to do, what to do....

Ok, so I don't even know who reads this anymore, but I'm putting this out there anyways.
I want to put together another blog. I know most people focus on 1 subject and work from there, but there's just so much swirling through my head these days that I can't just pick 1 topic. I LOVE to cook and bake. Love it. It makes everything better when I'm down and it's just the right pick-me-up. I can fit cooking in (almost) any time! I want to post about great recipes that I've tried. But then I also have a new found love for sewing. And I want to document my progress because I'm a beginner and want to improve. I also want to blog about my family and any crafts that we tackle together or projects that help me be a SAHM. So it would be a total mish mash of everything. Would you read something like that?
I toy with the idea off and on...I wouldn't give this blog up as this one is for my personal struggles, victories and thoughts. Hmmm...what to do, what to do???

Being a SAHM!

Even though I was home with DD for a year on mat leave and again with DS, it still is not the same as being home all. the. time. It's different. Being on mat leave is like vacation, you do things because you know you won't always have the opportunity. Now that I'm a SAHM, I have to schedule things so that I don't "do" everything all at once LOL. Don't get me wrong, I love being with the kids and seeing everything, being there for everything. But it does get crazy.

I am working towards a proper schedule to help me out. Pretty soon I will be alone at the house with the 2 kids so I definitely need to menu plan and schedule house cleaning. And with us trying to sell the house, I don't want to be running around like a maniac to clean before a showing.

And on the house selling note...still nothing. I wonder if this house is ever going to sell.

Back to our crazy life. Because DH is military, I am home with the kids by myself. I have help sometimes from family, but usually just me. It's pretty crazy. It's tough going shopping with the 2 kids, my DD is FIERCLY independent. She wants to go where she wants to go and that's that. So there are a lot of power struggles but I don't shy away from the confrontations when we are out and about. I can't. I hate the attention it draws and what some people must be saying but I have no choice. So when you see someone with some crazy kids - please be patient LOL.

I love being there for the kids. I just know that I need them to be involved in more programs. Unfortunately, they don't have any out this way. I will be trying a "gym" class out for DD but it's 45 min away. And pretty pricey too. I would take the kids swimming but there has to be 1 parent per child. So until I can clone myself, it's just me.

Down and can't shake it!

It's been almost 8 months since my DH left. We've seen him twice since he moved to Hali which is great but it's just not enough for either of us. The house has been up for sale since the end of April and so far, just 1 visit. My thoughts right now is that the house won't sell until next year.

Ugh. I'm home now with the kids as a SAHM and it's crazy! I have no contact with other moms since I live in the country. There is the EYC out here but the timings don't work with the kids nap schedules. I'm trying to keep them busy with all this rain but we are all going crazy. And well, when 8pm rolls around, I'm so exhausted, in every which way. I wake up in the morning and I don't feel like I slept at all. I was supposed to have help to keep everything top shape and sorted but that's not happening. So not only are we living off 1 salary, I'm going to have to hire someone to mow our lawn since it's not getting done and it looks like a jungle. I also have to tackle the gardens at some point but since I have the kids with me all the time, I can't do it. I really am down and cry at the drop of a hat. I try to keep it to myself as I don't want the kids to see it. And I can't talk to DH bcuz he's down as it is. He doesn't need to hear about me and that I'm down. I just wish I could shake this. Maybe once the sun comes out again!!! Ok, enough complaining...
This post was written at the beginning of May but I couldn't publish it.

Hard to Believe

It is hard to believe that in less than 2 weeks, my DH will be graduating from boot camp. Time went by so slow and so fast at the same time. This week has been hard because we aren't able to talk. Actually, we probably won't see eachother this weekend and then we won't be able to talk for most of next week either. To add to this not talking, we are all sick with very bad colds. The kids are clingy and driving me batty. We can't really go anywhere since I don't want them to get worse or get others sick, so homebound it is! It's been over a week and we are still sick - really hoping it goes away soon.
I haven't really been able to speak freely about DH's military choice. A lot of people have no clue that he's joined and at boot camp. We are slowly finding out details for DH's next posting which looks like it might be exactly where we want it. I won't say anything more just yet - I don't want to jinx it. The only thing that may slow everything down is our house. We can't sell until we get the go-ahead and can't move until we sell. So kinda stuck. And what sucks even more is that we live in a rural area where things don't move as fast. We've done A LOT of improvements to the house but who knows. So it's a wait and see game.
As far as my decision on going back to work or being a SAHM, it was kind of made for me. My boss didn't want there to be downtime and since it is inevitable that we will be moving and I will be taking care of everything alone, there would be downtime. So, as it stands, I'm set to go back in March. I'm going to use my holidays and stretch it to April and then that's it. I'm a little scared and am trying to get things organized so that I have days and meals planned. I want to have activities and things scheduled for the kids.
In baby #3 news, my hubby came home last weekend and said, OK lets try for #3! WHAT?! I actually had to say that we would have to wait a little longer. I want to wait until I lose some weight and get some sleep LOL. So depending on what's to come with DH, I think we may start to try in July/Aug/Sept area. LOL. Wow - a 3rd baby!!! Let's hope this body still works! My periods haven't actually been spot on since DS. They length of them varies each month which makes me wonder if I'm actually O'ing. I guess we will only know when we start trying.

Not sure what to do...suggestions anyone???

I'm official 37 years old! 37!!!! Last weekend, my hubby dropped a mini bomb on me, he would like to have a total of 4 kids!!! OMG - 4!! When we first met, we both thought 4 would be good but, once we had trouble, we knew that it would no longer be an option. I guess my DH really wants 4 though! He said he would like to have another boy and another girl. I told him that #3 is fine but not sure about #4 considering my age. We'll see I guess!
OK, so that leads to my dilema. My boss called me on Friday and offered me my old position at work, handling my own department. And to add to it, I can work exclusively from home! I should be jumping for joy! The only kicker, he needs me to come back early from my maternity leave. He didn't say how early though. The big problem, is finding and paying for daycare. We were actually thinking of me becoming a SAHM since daycare around here will cost us $1000/mo and I don't make all that much. We were actually hoping that I would have to quit my job because of DH's job. But, this offer changes all that. So far, I only really know of one daycare that will take my son who will only be 9 months at the end of this month. The thought of putting my kids in daycare makes me feel ill.
My hubby is letting me decide if I want to work or stay home. The extra income will definitely help us pay off bills and make it easier to get a home when we move. But not being with the kids would make me crazy. I thought perhaps having someone come into the house and watch the kids while I work would be a great option, but my boss said that it is not acceptable.
So I really don't know what to do. Oh and I have to give him an answer by Wednesday!!!!!!!
Ugh....

Latest update on me!

Well, the 6 weeks without my hubby were tough. I won't lie. There were great days with the kids and not so great days. But I just really missed my hubby. And he lost phone privelages after his first week so that made things so much harder. And of course, a lot happened while he was away. Just before he left, an aunt passed away. She was an aunt that didn't have any family left, she was alone. We took her in and made her part of the family, coming to every family gathering. There was no warning, she just passed away while she was in the hospital having tests done on her legs. Luckily, my DH was home for that and I could go to the funeral. Now I'm helping my Dad go through her things and empty her apartment. DH left on Nov 6. My only grandparent, my Nanny, went in to the hospital on the 13th of Nov because she had vertigo for like a week and it wasn't getting better. The news wasn't good. She'd had several small strokes. Then had a major one WHILE in the hospital - the hospital really dropped the ball and had so many screw ups!!! But that's a whole other post! I managed to have the kids babysat so that I could go to MTL to see my Nanny who was in a coma. That was the afternoon of Nov 24th. She passed away at around 2am on the 25th. I'm still devestated by it. We are a huge family and grandkids were my Nanny's main focus in life. She had 20 grandkids and 5 great-grandkids. My Mom was the oldest and her favorite. Everyone knew that. My Mom took care of my Nanny and brought her with us on vacations and such. When my Mom passed away almost 20 years ago, I took it upon myself to take care of her. Don't get me wrong her other children took care of her but since I was single at the time and lived 2 mins from her, I took her for groceries, banking, getting new glasses and everything in between. We also went shopping a lot - my Nanny's fave thing to do LOL. I guess you could say I was her fave grandchild. My Nanny was my "last" direct link to my Mom. She lost her daughter and I lost my mom - we understood eachothers loss. All this to say that I had to deal with the loss of my Nanny on my own. My DH couldn't make it out for her visitation or funeral. It was tough dealing with this and looking after my munchkins. Let me tell you that when my DH showed up here by surprise on the 10th of Dec (he got the weekend off!!), I hugged him and didn't let him go. He went back on the Sunday but came back on the 15th of Dec for a 25 day vacation. That was fantastic!!! The sucky part...we were sick almost the entire time. DH gave me a cold when he came down on his first weekend off and then we all got the stomach bug. Very thankful that it all happened while he was here.
So now, DH has gone back but should get weekends off now. Here's hoping. He does have his phone and ipod so we will at least be able to keep in touch that way. It makes such a difference.
He graduates on the 10th of March and leaves for his next posting on the 11th. The thing is that we have no clue where that is going to be. And if we will be going with him or not.
I'm set to go back to work on the 29th of March and I really don't want to go. We are leaning towards me becoming a SAHM but we'll see. It will all depend on his posting. But spending $1000/mo on daycare just doesn't make sense to me. It wouldn't be bad if I was making my old salary but I'm not. So I really don't know what we are going to do. We've also started talking about how many babies we really want to have. I have to consider my age...I'm almost 37. We were thinking of starting on baby #3 around the end of April, but of course it will depend on the posting as well. Then DH mentioned just the other day, that he would like to have 4 kids!!! A sister and a brother for our 2 munchkins. I would have loved to have 4 but I don't know. I guess it will be a wait and see kind of thing! But baby 3 is for sure. So we will start on that one later this year.
Ok, I know I covered a lot, but I'm hoping to stay on top of this blog a little more and then I won't have so much to say all at once LOL